A very dear friend sent me this quote and I now read it daily

”Extraordinary people survive under the most terrible circumstances and they become more extraordinary because of it” –Robertson Davies…

So apparently I started this Blog at 42... 3 long years ago and felt I needed to write down my thoughts, but apparently I have been to busy with life.... but I am back,

I woke up with a migraine this morning, took some drugs... and then it started the emotional roller coster that I think hits everyone some time in their mid 40's, Mid life crisis maybe? . I have been reflecting on life and what the meaning is and yada yada, so I decided to return back to this page I am thinking that writing down life may actually help deal with it.... so here we go........

I Started on a Journey last November, that was preceded by How did I get to 40 so fast and what the hell am I doing? I took a look back at the last 25 years of life, and wow what did I accomplish, a hell of a lot. I single handedly raised 2 great kids they were my focus for 25 years. There were many trials and tribulations, I lost my husband, I had a lot of bills, I had 2 kids with medical issues;but I managed to keep it together. I raised 2 wonderful smart kids, who actually have manners, work ethic, educated and have love of country, god and life!! not too bad.

But as my baby girl graduated from college, and is off to grad school, I find the "now what?" floating around. I swear as a parent you cannot wait to get them out of the house, but when it is really here, you find yourself wanting more of the past. I had to realize that I am no longer their manager, but their advisor....it's time to move on, it's time to live life right? So I am 45 and I don,t know what to do.... the kids are grown and moving on with life. I thought well it's my time to focus more on a career, hobbies, me and life right?  So what does one do? make a drastic decision sink or swim I say?

I accepted a Job roughly 1100 miles away, to learn new jobs skills as well as new life skills. This journey this year 2014 is about me. I am  going to learn job skills, that are really challenging , I am going to learn how to really live alone. I am going to learn social skills again and focus more time on me. I am going to lose weight, take classes on line to broaden skill set. I am going to read books and LEARN...........


I have managed to hold up pretty well, but it is a struggle!! Stopping myself from jumping in the car and saying screw this, Texas here I come. I have come to realize that learning itself brings a whole new set of emotions, that I am trying to sort thru. I am overwhelmed at all of the negative emotion that this journey has brought... self doubt, insecurity, second guessing, and yes at times self loathing. But learning to replace those emotions as one learns to love yourself and live in the moment is truly rewarding. I am a long way from being there and I can tell you this is a long journey.  I have had to learn to keep from counting the days to learning to embrace each day and lesson it may bring.

But I find myself still struggling.... most days I feel I made a mistake with my sink or swim job, but I push on threw. I have realized that I have not given it enough time to say this was not a good fit. A lot of days that empty nest feeling roars it's ugly head, but I am learning what to do with my time and man do I have a great dog!

I am learning how to take care of me, I have not always made the best choices about what makes me happy, or for that matter what is the best for me health wise and emotionally. It is a struggle , but I will persevere.

I remind myself everyday when the frustration is high is it going to matter in 5-10-20 yrs? Then I am able to let it go.  I am not sure where or what will change at the end of this year of focus. but I hope to know myself a little better, love myself even more, and know what I want to do when I grow up.

I am putting one step in front of the other and trying to move on!!

No whining here! just moving on to the next lesson

LIFE AT 42....

March 2, 2010

I am a 42 yr old female who has been single basically for the last 18 yrs.....Here is my rantings starting today :D

Well as you know it has been a year of adjustment, to say the least....

My youngest child went off to college and I think i handled it well, not a lot of crying , but I desperately miss her ... my son is going to college and working. I am really proud of him as he is doing great, his part-time job is at the same company I work for and every one raves about him :D.

I stopped smoking in April 2009, which was a feat in itself, I smoked for over 20 years and was never able to quit for this long! dont get me wrong I still want a cigarette! Especially after some of the crazy stuff I have to deal with at work and a few other area's in my life.... (I wish they had blogs when my kids were little,I could have been rich with all of the crazy things they did...)

So I am not sure what this blog will entail exactly, but thinking that it will be about what my life's current events ....... 

Paris

Paris will happen a week from Friday and I am really excited to spend springbreak with my college age kids there... weird I know, thought they would be doing their own things with their friends, hey but I will take it! Jen is planning our activities while we are there, so stay tuned...

I am hoping that writing the stuff down in life... good, ugly and comical will also help me with the stress, I really dont have any close friends to sound off on, so I am going to use this platform to do it.... Welcome to my Blog